Happiness

There were two child Sonu and Monu. One day a toy seller came to City. Both boys were very impressed to see the toys. These toys were costly. Monu went to his father asking for toy. Monu’s father agreed and bought the toy. Sonu also asked to his father, but his father was not so reach so, replied,”hey my son these toys do not give happiness so no point to buy.” Sonu became angry but what can he do. He accepted his father answer.
Monu was very happy with his new toy. One year later the same toy seller came again. This time the toys are more costly. Monu asked to his father for toy. He agreed and bought the toy. Sonu was knowing that his father does not have so much money so he did not went to his father. He said to himself “toy does not gives happiness.”
One more year passed. Toy seller came again with some new toy. This time more costly. Monu asked to his father for new toy. His father asked,”what happened to last year toy.”
That is old now,”Monu replied.”
Why not you play with that one,”father asked.”
That does not give me happiness. I need new one,” Monu replied.”
Why not you look Monu? He does not any toy. Still he is happy,”father suggested.”
His father does not have so much money. That’s why he does not have too much toys. He is not happy,”Monu argued.”
There are two way of getting happiness. The first one inner and the other one is outer. Outer means you look happiness in outer world. You associate your happiness with TV, Computer, House and money. You believe that the more material you will the more pleasure you will feel. Happiness getting from outer world is not a sustainable happiness. Every day there are some new product in the market. How many you will buy. The more you will buy the more they will sell.
Inner happiness comes from your inner. You make your self happy from what ever you have. You don’t run for external world. Inner happiness is spiritual one. The Godly one. It is more intense than external happiness and everlasting. If it is everlasting, then why not every body running behind material happiness. Very simple answer, people follow the crowd. They don’t have courage to make their path own. Make your path your own. Look for inner happiness.

Dedication Dalai Lama

You ask?

You ask?
Are you unhappy? Do you feel alone? How one can get happiness? How one can make life better? Well,
These are the question which keeps coming in every body mind. The more intellect you have the more question you do. I am not a thinker, I am not a philosopher but I am person who love all this type of brooding. I formulate problem for me and then brood over them.
I go among my friends. I love only friends who are unhappy from life. I talk to them. This is my selfishness because I feel good when I talk to them. One or two hour gossiping is enough. At the end of talking my friend is happy. Most of them say to me “your attitude towards life is excellent.” I don’t know why, but there is something inside me which makes them happy. I am 25 year aged person but mentally I feel 60 year old. I know I am praising myself, but sometime it is ok.
Well, come to the point. I want to talk to you. I want to brood over on your problem. I want to share your pain. Mind it, only the pain no party-sarty. I believe,” happiness is like Sunday afternoon” so I prefer to keep myself in working days. Now question comes, how I will be sharing your problem. Very simple, just write down one or two sentence in response of my blog. I will brood and try to write something. My writings might not be match with your thinking. But, you will have a friendly feeling out for sure.
Well, there is a lot of astrologer, there are a lot of books, there are a lot of good people, and there are a lot of scriptures then what is the point of sharing with me? Good question? Just it is your sympathy on me. I beg for thought. I beg for pain. I beg for brooding matter. It will give me pleasure and may be in future it will help me to orient my career. Even if I don’t get a single coin I will keep brooding, because it is my hobby, it is my life. Hoping there will be some coin in my bag.

खता

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कभी सोचता हूँ
तुमसे खफा कयों हूँ
चार दिनों कि हैं जिन्दगी
पिछले दिनों को याद करके कयों जुदा हूँ
मैं चाहता हूँ सब कुछ भूलाना
मगर पता नही कयों सब कुछ जानते हुए भी
अनजान बाना ही रहता हूँ
पिछली बातो को
याद कर कर के रोता हूँ

मेरी जिन्दगी यहीं हैं
रोता हूँ हँसता हूँ
जगता हू सोता हू
मगर फिर भी अपने आप को अकेला ही पता हू

कया करूं किसी चीज़ को जानना एक बात है
और उस पे अमल करना अलग बात
अमल करना तो चाहता हूँ
मगर तुम्हारे पुराने किस्सों मे एक बार फिर बहल जाता हूँ
शायद अब मेरी जिन्दगी यहीं है
बफा और बेबफा के बिच मे
बस जिन्दगी जीना चाहता हूँ

इच्छा

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जिन्दगी को जीता तो हूँ
मगर ज़ीने इच्छा नही
गम के आँसू पीता तो हूँ
मगर पीने कि इच्छा नही
लोगों को हसाता तो हूँ
मगर हँसाने कि इच्छा नही
मम्मी पापा भाई बहन से बातें करता तो हूँ
मगर मन बहलाने कि इच्छा नही
सोचता हूँ अकेले रहूँगा रो रो के जिऊंगा
मगर अब और रोने कि इच्छा नही
डिग्री हैं नौकरी मिल जायेगी
मगर अब पैसे कि इच्छा नही
पैसे होंगे तो मस्ती होगी
मगर अब मस्ती कि इच्छा नही
देखा हैं दुनिया जाना है लोगों को
मगर कुछ लिखने सुनाने कि इच्छा नही
लोगों को देखता हूँ बिपति मे दुःख मे
मगर किसी को मदद करने कि इच्छा नही
मदद करू भी तो कयों करू
जब ज़ीने कि इच्छा नही ।
कहते हैं दुनिया मे सिर्फ माँ ही अपना है
सब गलत है स्वार्थ का नाटक है
मुझे माँ से भी बात करने कि इच्छा नही
आप कहेंगें कैसा आदमी है
जब सब स्वार्थ ही हैं तो
मरता कयूँ नही
जनम के साथ ही कर्ज़ पड़ा है सर पे
उतर्दयित्व का बोझ पड़ा है कंधों पे
वचन से बद्ध हूँ दुनिया दारी है
यहीं सब सोच के मरने कि इच्छा नही।

कया करूं दुर्भाग्य तो बस इसी बात का है
जीता तो हूँ
मगर ज़ीने कि इच्छा नही ।

गुनाह

॥
॥
॥
॥
॥
॥
॥
॥
॥
॥
अगर मैं मर ही गया तो
गुनाह किसको लगेगा
अपने आप को
बिल्कुल नही मैं तो वहीँ करूंगा
जो वक़्त कहेगा
और वक़्त के साथ चलने वाले
गुनाहगार कैसे हो सकते हैं।


मेरी जिन्दगी मे दो ही लडकी आयी है
एक तो वो जो दोस्त हैं
और दुसरी वो जो प्रेमिका हैं।

अब ना तो दोस्त को दोस्त कहने का मन है
ना प्रेमिका को प्रेमिका
दोनो ने ही मुझसे खेला हैं
बाज़ार का खिलोना हूँ
शायद उनको भी पता है

एक ने खिलोने से खेला हैं
तो दुसरे ने खिलौने को
अपना बना के
कुछ दिनों तक झेला हैं

मैं खुदा ना खास्ते अगर दुनिया से कुछ करता हूँ
जो कि मैं करने नही जा रहा
तो दोनो के सर इलज़ाम लगता हूँ
प्रेमिका को ७० प्रतिशत
और मित्र को बाकी ३० प्रतिशत
का हिसाब लगाता हूँ
और अगर थोड़ी बहुत शरम है किसी मे
तो उधेर नरक मे ही
एक और बिस्तर का इंतजाम कराता हूँ

मगर मुझको पता है
मैं इधेर भी अकेले हूँ
और उधेर नरक मे और भी अकेले रहूँगा
यहीं सोच के
इधेर धरती पे ही मजमा लगाऊँगा
जो भी हो जैसे भी हो
जिन्दगी जिस रुप मे आएगी
वैसे ही अपनाऊँगा ।

खडे रहो

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कभी सोचता हूँ जिंदा कयोंहूं
मरता कयों नही
फिर गौर करता हूँ
तो लगता है मैं तो जिंदा लाश ही हूँ

लोगों को चलता फिरता दिखता हूँ
लोगों को हँसता खेलता दिखता हूँ
मैं तो जिन्दगी कि पनाह मे
हर रोज एक गुनाह करते दिखता हूँ

कोई उपाय नही
कोई रास्ता नही
सोचता बहुत हूँ
जिन्दगी को समझाता बहुत हूँ
मगर जिन्दगी के इस मुकाम पे
दिमाग का ज़ोर नही चलता है
दिल का बोलबाला हैं और
रोज जिन्दगी का एक नया मज़ामा लगता हैं ।

जिन्दगी कि कोई आश नही
धन दौलत कि प्यास नही
ऐशो आराम का शौक़ नही
मरने से खौफ नही

फिर भी मैं मरूंगा नही
मरूंगा कयों
अकेले खड़ा रहूँगा
दिखा दूंगा दुनिया को
अकेले कि जिन्दगी
रोता रहूँगा मगर
अपने ही क़दमों मे
जकडा रहूँगा

मैं हारा

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मैं हर दम ही हारा
बचपन से ले के जवानी तक
बस हारा ही हारा
बचपन खोया
सोचा जवानी मे मस्ती होगी
दिन रात एक किया
पढ़ाई कि
लिखाई कि
बोझ उठाये
जवानी का सज़ा धजा रथ बनाया
मगर ये कया जब रथ का एक पहिया देखा तो
मैं एक बार फिर हार

एक पहिये ने मुझे धोखा दिया
मुझे नही पता था
ये पहिया किसी और कि है
जब किसी और कि थी
तो फिर मेरी गड्डी मे आयी कयों
और आयी भी तो मुझे
पहले बतायो कयों नही
मुझे धोखे मे रखा
और जब पता चला तोमैं हारा ही हारा

मेरे पास आंसू के सिवा कुछ और नही
जिन्दगी ज़ीने मे कोई दम नही
कैसे कहूं पापा मम्मी को
कैसे कहूं भाई बहन को कोमुझसे कुछ बोला नही जाता
मुझसे कुछ कहा नही जातामैं कहने से भी हारा

बहुत सोचता हूँ
उसके बाद ज़ीने कि चाहत बनाता हूँ
एक बार जोश के साथ दिन कि शरुआत करता हूँ
कथा कहानी पढने के सिवा और अब कुछ कर भी नही सकता
सो दिन कट जाता है पढने मे
मगर रात को फिर वहीँ सवाल
रात को फिर वहीँ बिसाद
मैं बीसादो और अबसादो को सोच सोच के हारा
दो ही रास्ता है
या तो आत्म हत्या
या तो जिन्दगी को रो रो के जीना
आत्महत्या करने का साहस नही
रो रो के ज़ीने का मन नही
किसी से सहानुभूति कि इच्छा नही
बस मई यहीं सब सोच सोच के हारा
सच पूछिये तो मुझे लिखने का भी मन नही
लिखता हूँ बस जिन्दगी काटने के लिए
लिखता हूँ और पूछता हू कि
मैं कयों लिखता हूँ
मेरे लिखने का औचित्य कया हैं
मगर मैं तो इस प्रश्न के
जवाब से भी हारा

मैं हर दम ही हारा

Thinking of thinking?

Here is a simple question. Why are you reading my blog? Your answer might be include
I am reading for
1. Entertainment
2. Networking
3. To enhance my knowledge
4. Or ego satisfaction
I don’t know what is the exact reason for your reading? But hope it will be something similar to above options. Well, I assume that option no. 3 i.e. To enhancing knowledge is your case. I again repeat my question, “Why you want to enhance your knowledge?” Alternative goes like this
1. To become a good person
2. To share the knowledge
3. To test whether are you on right path or on wrong path
Well, I assume the first option i.e. to become a good person is the case with you. But I am not going to stop here. I ask once again, “Why you want to be a good person?” your answer may include
1. To get happiness
2. To live a good life
3. Not to harm anybody
That’s good. I assume you wanted to be a good person for the shake of getting happiness. Once again I ask,”why you want to get happiness?” This time there is only one answer i.e. getting happiness is the aim of life that’s why you are looking for happiness.
Well, what is the point of asking why and why and then why till you did not get to the final conclusion i.e. happiness. It is just a symbolic discussion. Life is full of why and why? There are only two kind of person in this world first one don’t ask why and the second keep asking why of why. The one who keep asking why of why reach to the goal of happiness and the one who does not take care of why’s looses interest in life.
Why of why or thinking of thinking is very important in life. What ever you do, you do after a lot of thinking. But that is not sufficient; you have to think one more time i.e. you have to think why you are thinking like that. The second thinking supersedes the first thinking. This is the assumption of above logic. It is possible that second thinking might be wrong or of no worth, but this does not mean you don’t have to think second time. To be more specific, let us take an example. You go to a shoe store. There are a lot of shoes. Shoes from Bata, shoes from Tata and shoes from Fata. How do you decide which company you are going to choose? Very simple you think. Think in terms of money and comfort and then choose. Is this thinking sufficient? No, this thinking is not sufficient. You have to think why you want to wear a shoe? Is shoe necessary? If others are wearing a shoe then I have to follow them blindly? Is shoe business eco-friendly? All this type of question keeps coming if thinking goes on.What is the conclusion? Very simple!!!! Think about think. Keep asking why of why. It will help you to choose simplest path to reach the goal among the thousand of complex path.

packet of happiness

Moggo was one of the best students of spiritual guru Laotsey. Moggo worked very hard to get happiness in his life. He was meditating day and night for God realization. God realization was the last aim of his life. God is everything for him. Where ever he went, he kept thinking about God. God realization was his dream, God realization was his happiness.
One day, Moggo said to guru Laotsey, hey my master now I want to start my holy pilgrimage. God lives in the cave of Himalaya. I want to see them. Once I will be interviewed by the God, my life will be successful and I will be happy. Laotsey agreed. He said,”yes my son you can start your holy journey tomorrow itself. By the solar calendar it is a best date to start journey.
Next day the very morning Moggo was ready to start his journey. Moggo touched master’s feet. As a blessings Laotsey gave some miracle packets. Moggo asked,” what these packets contain?” Laotsey replied,” these are gift packet, what ever you want you can do.” Moggo was traveling and travelling. After two or three days walking he was tired. He asked to one farmer for one night stay. Farmer replied,” I am not a happy farmer, I don’t have much luxury to serve you, but what ever I have, I will do my best. Moggo replied,” I am a saint and I will be happy what ever you have. Moggo spent his night. He was very happy with farmer’s guest behavior. Next day morning, he said good bye to farmer and as a gift gave one of his packet. As soon as farmer opened the packet, he felt the miracle power of packet became happy.
Moggo was walking and walking. After two days walking, he again felt tired. He asked to one farmer for one night stay. Farmer agreed and said I am unhappy. Moggo replied,” I will adjust from what ever you have. The very next morning he gave one packet to farmer as a gift. This time again, farmer became happy just after opening the miracle packet.
During his journey, Moggo gave his packets one by one to farmer and reached to his destination. Now, he wanted to see the God. There was a watchman at God house. Watchman asked to Moggo,” who are you.” I am Laotsey student watchman replied politely.”
Watch man – why you want to see the God?
Moggo – God is my happiness and I want to get my happiness. God is my goal and I want to achieve my goal.
Watchman – Ok, Give me the packets which Laotsey gave to you.
Moggo – I already gave to the farmers and they are very happy after receiving them.
Watchman – You can see God only if you have those packets. But unfortunately you have given those packets to farmer. Now you lost the chance of realizing God and getting happiness. The happiness was hidden in those small packets, you never realized.

love or infaction

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Hey, my girl, I know
You are still waiting for me
No one is yours excepts me
You keep talking only about me
Your future is based on me;

Hey, my girl, I know
But, what can I do
The only thing which hurts me
Why you hide your past to me
Your past cost a lot to me
It takes my heart away from me
Hey, my girl, I know
I am doing wrong to you and me
No one is singing song with me
Every where I see only God and me
The crowd has no meaning to me

Hey, my girl, I know
I am making unhappy to you and me
Even if, you marry with me
Your past will make depressed to me
I am feeling like suppressed to me

Hey, my girl
I don’t have any option
Unhappiness was not my notion
Only God can write marriage caption
I know
It was true love not infaction.

Modify

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ohhh..... yeah.....
we started as friend
i fall in love
you noticed, but
You never took a move
i hesitated to accept
i was in love you suspect
You tried to ignore me
The more you ignored the more i loved
You were committed with some one
That’s why you don’t like other one
Very deep down to heart
You started to me love
I was hesitant to take a move
You accepted you love
I suspected you love
I said we are friends
You tried to clarify
I tried to modify
As a result love never solidify
Today I am alone
I know we are friend
I know i am alone
I know you love me
I know i love you
Still
I don't knowhow will you modify
How will our love solidify.

नसीब

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ये नसीब तेरे से एक सवाल है
तुझे तो पता था कि मेरी जिन्दगी खुसी नही
फिर भी तुने कुछ और दुःख क्यों भर दिए
तुझे तो पता था कि मैं सबके साथ भी तनहा हूँ
फिर भी तुमने मुझे भिड़ से अकेला कयों कर दिया
तुझे तो पता था कि मैं बहुत मुश्किल से रास्ते पे चल रह हूँ
फिर भी तुने मेरी राहों मे कांटे कयों बिछा दिए

ये नसीब तू कया समझा मैं दर जाऊँगा
नही नसीब मैंने दुःख को ही ख़ुशी बाना लिया
मैंने तनहा को ही भिड़ बना लिया
मैंने काटो को ही फूल बना लिया
मैंने बदनसीब को ही अपना नसीब बना लिया .

जिंदा रहें

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मंजिलें ही खो जाये तो हम जिंदा कैसे रहें
जितना ही हार हो जाये तो हम जिंदा कैसे रहें
जब दर्द ही दवा हो जाये तो हम जिंदा कैसे रहें

रास्ता को मंज़िल बना के हम जिंदा कयों ना रहें
हार जीत का भेद भूला के हम जिंदा कयों ना रहें
दर्द के नशे मे चूर हो के हम जिंदा कयों ना रहें ।

expectation from wife

It is really tough question for me. What I expect from my wife? I don’t know the exact answer. If I know something today, that does not going to be remain constant till life. we changes with time. Our nature, our expectations, our choice changes as we become mature. Life is itself a lesson for learning. Change is the nature of human being. Although my expectations may change, as I become mature, still I have some basics expectations, which I don’t think is going to be drastically changed during time. I was having a desire to find a beautiful and handsome girl of my height. I was thinking of the girl should be so that we can walk and talk to each other where ever I go. Why of mine height. I was thinking that, we can walk keeping hands in hands. No other intension.. Hahahahaha. I thought that, she should not be extremely beautiful in that case I was facing a lot of problem due to the other audience. With that type of extremely beautiful girl where ever you go people keep gazing on you and your wife (although in western country nobody bothers and nobody pay attention on you but still in India there is a lot of problem for middle society) and result is that you are not going to enjoy the moments with your wife. You are not feeling natural. Felling natural is the utter aim of my life. So I imagined a girl that should be beautiful but not extremely beautiful.Many times my mother said “ Beta gori ladki se saadi karma nahi to bahut dikkat hogi’. I asked to my mother, what problem is going to be happened. She replied naturally ‘wo to tumko baad me pata chalega jab tumhari beti hogi” meaning I will be facing a lot of problem in marriage of my daughter as it will be going to be unfair if I marriage with a unfair complexioned (swanli) girl. Generally it happens that if you and your wife are fair your child will be fair, if every thing goes right. I thought mother is saying correct thing. When ever I discussed this topic with my mother, she replied always marry with a beautiful (for my mother beautiful means a gori girl) girl. So that in the society we will have a good image. My mother can say to others that my BAHU is very beautiful. People will praise to my mother. Perhaps this is the why my mother wanted to be fair girl for me. I also having a clear cut notion that I should to marry with at least a beautiful girl but not extermly beautiful. i want to remain simple, i want to enjoy naturally.

one thing

what I expect from love? First thing, I believe in truth. I don’t try to misguide anybody. So, anybody loving me must be truthful. Whatever the situation she must speak truth. Like if she is walking with a boy, or dating with a guy then after my asking question like what are you doing? she should have guts to say that she is walking with a boy, she is dating with some other guy. She should not say she is at home and watching television or any false answer. I think at that time when you are speaking false to me, this mean you either don’t love me or don’t have faith in me. Both the situation is not good for a good relationship. If you don’t have faith or you don’t have guts to speak the truth then you must not love to your love. Another thing, you must be able to find out what I like and what I don’t like. If I like writing, collecting photographs, talking with people, working with people, teaching to friends, etc. then you should be able to figure it out. It is easy to figure it out. After figuring it out I expect that you will be acting like those; that make me happy. Since, I believe to change myself according to girl to whom I love. I also expect a little from her. If she is not acting accordingly then still no problem with me. Because, sometime it is difficult to figure it out what I like and what I don’t like. I love to collect the memory, then she should also figure it out. Like, I love to collect photographs. She should also keep gathering some of photographs which I am not able to collect. May be that will be a good gift to me. Another thing if she loves me then she should be able to figure out what are the things which makes me happy. Because in love we wanted to find the way that can make happy to each other. Like for me I can easily figure out what are things which makes her happy. like chocolates, ice cream .. and many more which I can't describe here… Some time I may not be be liking all these stuffs, still I start to like all these because thease are the things which makes her happy and ultimately her happiness makes happy to me.I am a very simple person. May be anybody lovimg me don't like all these rubbish writings, and then still I will try to love her. I don't expect anything from her, as long as she is faithful to me, then other things does not matters for me. I just want one thing she should be faithful towards me, and no other expectations. Whatever she is educated or not, whatever she cares me or not, whatever she is able to find out my interests or not, whatever she tries to make me happy or not.So, just if she is faithful to me, that is enough for me. I am more than happy. I don’t expect anything else.

feel easy

This is something personal but still I am writing with some modification. For the present context assume that I came into contact with a girl. I was with her for some time (around nine months). I started to feel attract toward her. Falling towards attraction is itself a long story, which I will describe later. Now a day when I am in Canada, many times she comes into my thinking and I start thinking about her. Perhaps it happens daily. When ever I come to lab I expect any mail from her. Basically I am waiting a mail from her. I also write mail to her. When she talks with me in a good manner I feel comfortable. But sometimes she behaves angrily then I started to feel not good. I don’t read that particular day. Whenever she bechaves angrily, I leave my work, go here and there and started to think whether I love her not. Is it just a infatuation. I also started to think, If I love what are the qualities in her which I like. Is she beautiful? What will happen if I say this to my mother or father? I also think whether she loves me or not. Is it good to marry with her? Will I remain satisfied if I marry her? I remain myself unanswered. I don’t satisfy myself 100% to accept her, but as soon as I imagine that she is going to marry with some body else, I don’t feel myself comfortable. I cannot imagine that she is going to marry with some other boy. I also not find myself 100% satisfied to marry her, but still at least I am satisfied 70% to 75%. May be in future my condition becomes good and I started to feel attracted up to more than 75%, if that happens then I will be 100% sure that I am going to marry with that girl. Because I know no one is going to 100% perfect. Whatever girl you are choosing there are some problem. If she is beautiful then she is not good in nature. If she is good by nature then may be she is not beautiful. If one is very educated then she might be very egoist. All this happens. But how can I convey all this to her. (That’s why I am writing here, to feel myself easy)

show happy

Many people assumes that level of satisfaction is directly related to the Material beauty, physical world. I dont say that they are wrong or right. I am just writing my views regarding the satisfaction.Once time Eienstien said " You can enjoy your leasure only when you work hard". Enjoyment of leasure certainly gives satisfaction to everybody. If you are enjoying your leasure in without asking any question to yourself like 'what i am doning', then I think you are satisfied. Many people at the time of enjoying the leasure keep strugglimg with himself. they keep asking whether they are enjoying or not. They just try to show the outer world that they are happiest person and most satisied. At this moment a incident comes to my mind. I, my friend Ramesh and Gaurav were attending the hall 1 hall-day (A celeberation)at IIIT Hyderabad. Every thing was looking nice. But we all three just feeling boring, just going here and there. Boring not because we don't have friend circle. I think all of three having a great friend circle, but still all of us feeling boring. I ask a reason why? The answer is very typical we are having our presence at the party but our mind was some where else. We were thinking that all these party sarty business are formal. No body is touched with any body just they are acting like a machine in the party. They have to do some activities and they are acting in pre planned matter. At the same time Ramesh said that Hey Chandra (me) We will satrt acting like happy.I and Ojha agreed on the proposal. We all three started to acting in such a manner so that we are looking like the happiest person of the crowd many people started to gaze on us.They were thinking that we are the person who are enjoying the party most, but we know what is the truth. Just few minutes back, we all three are thinking, how other people are enjoying now they are thinking how we are enjoying? What a joke? who is the satisfied one who is the happy one. hey, These all are my personal view. I do not have have any intension to hurt anybody.

ये जिन्दगी

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ए जिन्दगी चल तुमको दिया
किसको दिया अपने परिवार को
भाग परिवार कभी किसी का अपना हुआ है
तो फिर किसको दिया अपनी महबूबा को
भाग महबूबा से तो मेरा बिस्वास पहले ही टूट चूका है
तो फिर जरूर समाज को दिया होगा
भाग कयों मज़ाक करता है समाज से मुझे कोई लगाव नही है
तब तो जरूर से यमराज को दिया होगा
भाग मेरी जिन्दगी तू कया बात करता है
मैं इतना कमजोर थोड़े ना हूँ जो टूट जाऊँगा
ए मेरी जिन्दगी ले अब उतर सुन मैंने तुझे दिया
इस कविता को मैंने तुझे दिया इस कहानी को
अब तुझसे मुझे कुछ नही चाहिऐ
और ना ही इस कविता से
मैं अकेला हूँ मुझे अकेला ही रहने दे ।

hurt

The five year old son was playing with stone and sand. A stone felt on his leg by mistake. It made his leg scratched and bleeding. He run to mother and cried “mother a stone felt on my leg.” It is hurting a lot. Mother put the medicine on scratch and replied hey my son it will be ok in one or two days. Wound does not hurt for longer. There is only thing in this world which can hurt. Son asked, “What is that mother?” you can’t understand my son, so there is no point of telling, “Mother replied.

The son grew older. He has many friends in his college. But most of his friends keep trying to make fun out of him. They treated him like a fool. One day he realized that their friends are treating him like fool. He discussed everything to mother and said, “my friends have hurtled me a lot.” Mother encourage,” hey my son why do worry so much about your friends.” They can’t hurt you for a long time. There is only one thing in this world which can hurt. What is that mother,”son asked?” you can’t understand my son, so there is no point of telling,” Mother replied.”

Days gone. He fell in love with a beautiful girl. He loves her truly. They both were happy. He did not hided any thing from her. One day he realized that her girl friend is cheating him. He found himself like useless creature on this earth. He did not find any reason for life. He felt deeply hurt.
This time he did not go to his mother to complain. Now he realized that the love is the only thing which can hurt. He got the answer why mother says you can’t understand. Hurt of love can only those understand you are hurtled by love.

Three options

I have three only options for my life.
1. Do suicide
2. Live alone
३. Marry

When ever I am depressed, generally it happens in the morning or time when I try to recollect memories. I find my self completely help less. I don’t find any strength for life. Nothing impresses me. Nothing attracts me. In those moments even parent’s losses their meaning and I find the whole world as selfish. In such depressing moments I just want to quit the world quietly. But unfortunately I don’t have so much courage to do that. That’s why I am suffering from same mental state every day.

Second case, live alone. This one is very happy giving. Most of the time, I keep augmenting with myself that the best life of a human being is alone life. i suggest myself to live alone and do something for our self. I don’t believe in society service. I am die harder who thinks that every thing in this world is a part of selfishness. I want to do, Some thing which is creative. Some thing which can provide me sufficient money to survive. I don’t have any desire for materialistic world. In these moments books are great strength for me. Writers and philosophers also provided sufficient strength in my odd time. I feel myself elevated from others friends and enjoying the life fullest, even in sad moments. When ever I keep reading I feel myself a strong human being. I planned to read a lot in future. There are good books and good movies too. I want to read I want to see. But as soon as memory of past flashes in my mind every desire goes away. Desire losses their meaning on the ground of sadness.

Third option To marry, which I think is most probable option. I am sad, I am unhappy, I am crying but still deep down to my heart this option seems to be going to happen. I will marry with her. I will be unhappy till life. I will try to enjoy present as far as possible. I will try to make life useful. I will be unhappy but struggling with life. I will be working for my parents and sister for some time. After that I will try to stand my self alone. Marriage for me is just a formality. From very core of the heart I am alone and I will be alone. if this marriage some how does not takes place then I will be alone and working hard for my life, for some creation.

Ultimately for me all the three options results in unhappiness for me. But I am not going to unhappy any how. What ever is going to come in my life I will accept that. And try to be happy.

Guilt and Fear

There was a girl named Guilt। In the same city there was a boy named fear. By the God grace both fell in love. But the girl “Guilt “was not feeling well because she has past relation with someone. On other hand the boy “Fear” was also not feeling good due to her past. Both were in true love but they don’t know what to do? The girl “Guilt is worried about her past, and the boy “Fear” is worried about his future. As a result they were wasting their present.

One day forgiveness came and suggested, why both of you are worried. Guilt is a part of past and fear is a part of future so why you are loosing your present in brooding about past and future. It is best to take help of forgiveness and enjoy the present. Love is neither guilt nor fear. Love is acceptance via forgiveness. Love is enjoying the present.

जीने के लिए

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हर पल वक्त करे मुझसे सवाल
तुम जीते हो किसके लिए
तुम्हारे जीने का मतलब है क्या
मतलब के बिना जिन्दगी अधूरी है
मैं चुप हूँ
अगर दे दूं जवाब तो मच जाये बबाल
मैं जीता हूँ जीने के लिए
जीना ही जिन्दगी का मतलब है
माना कि मेरी जिन्दगी अधूरी है
मगर जिन्दगी को समझने के लिए
जीना बहुत जरूरी है

दांत गया

दिन मे पांच दस मिनट सो लेना सही रहताहैं। अभी खाया अभी सोया। खाने के बाद मुझे आराम चाहिऐ । भाड़ भाड़ मे जाये दुनिया , भाड़ मे जाये काम धाम , भाड़ मे जाये दोस्त यार मुझे सोना है तो सोना है। काम धाम का कोई खास मतलब नही है। सबको तो एक दिन मरना ही है तो फिर गदहे कि तरह काम करने का कया औचित्य है। दिन मे खा के सोने मे जो मज़ा है वो तो औरत मे भी नही। ये अलग बात है कि दुसरा बाला मज़ा हम अभी चखे नही हैं। चखे नही है तो क्या हुआ लोगों से सुना है, किताबों मे पढा है और चलचित्रों मे देखा तो है ही । वो जमाना गया जब चुप छुप के ये सब किया करते थे। अब तो खूलेयाम करेगें और डंके कि चोट पेर सबको कहेंगें। सच है, तो है, चोरी चोरी करने से मन मे द्वेष ही पैदा होता है।
हाँ तो मैं खा के लेटा । जल्दी नींद लगने कि आदत है सो निंदया रानी जल्दी ही आ गयी। पक्का वाला नही कच्चा वाला निंदिया आयी। और मैं नींद मे पकाने लगा। बस एक तरफ नींद चल रही थी उधर मैं कुछ पका रहा था। उपर से शुरू हुआ । देखता कया हूँ कि मेरा तो बाल ही पक गया है। मेरा दिमाग ठनका ऐसे कैसे हो सकता है। इस उमर मे बल कैसे पक सकता है। नही ऐसा नही हो सकता हैं। कुछ तो गड़बड़ हैं। किसी से पूछ के देखे कया । पीछे वाला बाल नही दिखता है। एक दो पका होगा जयादा से जयादा । अरे एक दो तो आम बात है। एक दो बाल तो साबका पक जाता है इस उमर मे आते आते। और ऐसे भी खाना दाना थिक से नही हो रहा है। पेट खराब रहने के कारन ही ये सब प्रोबेल्म है । एक बार खाना दाना सुधर जाये। पानी सानी अच्छा से पीना स्टार्ट हो जाये फिर तो सर के बाल अपने आप ही कला हो जायेंगें। यहीं सब सोच के नींद को फुसलाया। एक बार फिर से निन्द्रा देवी के गोद मे।
गोद मे रखे रखे निन्द्रा देवी का पैर दुःख रहा है शायद। निन्द्रा देवी ने ज़ोर से पैर हिलाया। हे निन्द्रा देवी इतना ज़ोर से कयों हिलाती हो । ओह ओह मेरे तो दांत ही टूट गए। उपर वाला हाँ जबरा के पास वाला गया। गया काम से । ओह। उपर ला ई न से अन्तिम के चारो दंन्त ग़ायब । दो तो पहले हो टूट चूका है और एक कुछ दिन पहले टूटा था और एक अभी गया काम से। निचे वाले हिस्से मे अभी बचता है। अब मैं खाना कैसे खाऊंगा । बाप रे बाप अभी तो २५ ही साल हुए हैं बाकी का जिन्दगी कैसे बीतेगा। अकेले रहने का भी सोचा हूँ। कौन मेरी मदद करेगा बुढ़ापा मे। नही नही किसी से द्वेष भाव रखने से अच्छा है सब कुछ भुला के फिर से दंत जुड़वाँ लेना।। जो भी हो शादी बगैरह कर के किसी तरह जिन्दगी शुरू करें।
इधेर जिन्दगी टूटा उधेर दांत टूटा। सबको एक ही साथ टूटना था। यहीं सब सोचते हुए सपना भी टूटा। सुकिरिया भगवन सुकिरिया मेरा दंत सही शालामत है। उसी जगह पर जहाँ पहले था।। अभी तो मैं नकली दंत खरीदने कि सोचा था। मगर अपने असली दांत को जिंदा देख के अत्यंत हर्षा हो रहा है। जय हो दंत देव । सब आपकी ही किरपा हैं। इससे पहले भी आप कई बार दिन के सपने मे आ चुके हैं। हे दंत देव आपका लोगों को डराने का ये वाला स्टाइल अच्छा है। मैं तो बच गया कोई दुसरा होता तो सपने मे नरक का ट्रेन पकड़ लेटा । चलिए जब अब दंत सही सलामत है तो फिर कुछ खाना दाना हो जाये.

द्वंद

कभी कभी सोचता हूँ भारत लॉट के ही कया कर लूँगा। साला हर चीज़ मे हुज्जत । सभी लोग तो स्वार्थी हैं। जिसको देखो वहीँ हमारे प्रगति से जल रहा है। कोई आगे बढ़ता हुआ नही देखना चाहता है। पिछला २७ साल तो बर्बाद किये ही हैं। अब जिन्दगी का कुछ पल शांति से जी लिया जाये। इधेर ही अकेले मे घर बसा लो । ना तो बिजली पानी का चक्कर हैं । और ना ही लाद्दाई झगड़ा का झंझट । जो मन मे आये करो जैसे मन मे आये रहो। मन करे किसी के साथ सेक्स करो मन करे कहीँ घूमने निकल जाओ । मन करे दारू पीओ मन करे नशे मे स्ट्रिप क्लब निकल जाओ। यहीं सब जिन्दगी है । जो मन करे वहीँ करो यहीं जिन्दगी है। मगर साला ये सब जानते हुए भी हम कुछ नही कर सकते । बिच मे सव्यता टांग रोकती हैं. हमारी सभ्यता भी कैसी है जो जन्मने के साथ ही बिना बच्चे से पूछे ढ़ेर सारे अंध बिस्वसो का कूदा कचरा दिमाग मे भर देती हैं। मेरे बाप दादा ऐसे कियें हैं इसी लिए हमको भी वैसे ही करना है. हमारे बाप दादा जाये चूल्हा मे .यहीं लोग अच्छे हैं। जो मन मे आता हैं करते हैं। सही मे जिन्दगी भी यहीं हैं। जिन्दगी अपनी है ज़ीने का अधिकार भी हमे ही होना चाहिऐ । आज से दो साल पहले मुझे कोई कहत कि भारतीय सभयता मे ये गलत है वो थिक नही है , तो शायद उसे जूता लगा देता। मगर आज अगर कोई कुछ बोलेगा तो सबसे पहले तो अपने दिमाग से भर पेट सोचूँगा कि सामने वाला सही बोल रह है या गलत फिर उसको जवाब दूंगा। सोचना बहुत जरूरी है। बचपन से मेरे साथ बहुत बड़ी जयाद्ती हुई । बिना कुछ सोचे समझे हुए ढेर सारे चीज़ें हमारे उपर लोड कर दी गयी है। सभी गडे मुर्दो को उखाड़ उखाड़ के फिर से सोचना पड़ेगा पड़ेगा कि कया गलत है और कया सही। ऐसे ही किसी बात को गलत या सही मान लेना अन्ध्बिस्वास हैं। और दुर्भाग्य कि बात ये है कि हम अन्ध्बिस्वास को धरम का नियम कानून मान लेते हैं। जब हर आदमी का रुप रंग अलग है , जब हर आदमी पानी पीता है अलग घट का , जब हर आदमी बड़ा होता है अलग समाज मे तो फिर उसका धरम एक कैसे हुआ। मैं नही मानता धरम और मुझे कोई भी सरम नही ये बात स्वीकार करने मे ।
हाँ तो मैं बात कर रहा था इधर ही रहेने कि । कनाडा के लोग अच्छे हैं । माहोल शांत है। लोग पढे लिखे हैं। नही हम कैसे रह सकते हैं। हमने भारत सरकार का पैसा खाया है। हमने गरीब जनता का टैक्स खाया है। मुझे उनके लिए कुछ करना चाहिऐ। बात तो १००% फीसदी सही हैं। नमक खा के नमक हरामी करना अच्छी बात नही। और वो भी जनता का नमक। मरने पे पाप लगेगा। नही नही मैं कोई पाप होने से पहले अपना टैक्स चूका दूंगा । अरे कितना टैक्स खाया है। जो भी खाया है वो चार पांच साल मे चुकता हो जाएगा । हम तो सोच भी रहे हैं कौन सोचता खा के पचा जाओ और फिर अगर डकार आये तो चुप चाप दबा दो. यहीं तो प्रथा है चिन्ता मत करो यार चूका दूंगा कर्जा कहीँ भगा नही जा रह हूँ . और चुकाने क बाद अपनी जिन्दगी जीना चाहता हूँ यार। भगवान् भी साला कया चीज़ धरती पे ही इतना उलट पुलट कयों बनाया। एक तरफ भारत दुसरी तरफ अमेरिका। एक तरफ आदमी को लिखने के लिए कजग नही मिल रहा है और दुसरी तरफ आदमी को गांड पोछने के बाद भी काजग खतम नही हो रहा है। एक तरफ नयी नवेली दुल्हन के लिए लिपस्टिक नही और दुसरी तरफ बुदिया औरत भी वियाग्रा खा रही है। खैर इसमे उस औरत कि भी कोई गलती नही हैं। उसने तो दुनिया देखा ही नही। जो जैसा देखेगा ही नही वो तो वायग्रा कह्ये या फिर सल्फास कि गोली कया फरक पड़ता है . हम तो कहते हैं सब भगवन कि ही चाल है।
ये जीवन बहुत छोटा है। कुछ नही कर सकते हम । कितनों नव नवेली दुल्हन को लिपिस्टक ला के देंगें। एक दो जयादा से जयादा तीन । तीन के बाद तो हम भी थक जायेगें। और मुझे बिल्कुल अच्छी तरह से पता है समुन्दर का चार बूंद पानी पिने समुन्दर का तल कम नही होने जा रहा है।

तिकडम

नही मेरी बहन नही । मैं भारत इस लिए नही आ रहा हूँ कयों कि मुझे मुम्मी पापा से प्यार है। हाँ तुम तीनो बहनो से मुझे प्यार है इस बात को इंकार नही कर सकता हूँ। तुम्लोगों को खुस देखना चाहता हूँ। जहाँ तक इस गरीब से जो बन पड़ा है मैंने किया है तुम्लोगों के लिए । और भविष्य मे अगर भगवन ने सकुशल रखा तो प्यार करता रहूँगा । नही मेरी बहन लुशी मुझे पैसा का तो बिल्कुल ही नही लालच है। लालच कब होता है। जब भविष्य से कुछ आशा हो। जब भविष्य के लिए कुछ सपने सपने सजाये हो । मेरे जीवन के सारे सपने चकनाचूर हो गए तो फिर धन दौलत गाडी बंगला का कया मतलब है मेरे लिए । आज से दो चार पहले पता नही था कि मुझे इन सब चीज़ का शौक़ है भी या नही मगर अब तो बिल्कुल साफ साफ कह सकता हूँ ही कि मुझे इन सब चीजों मे कोई शौक़ नही है। मात्रिवत परदारेसू पर्द्रव्यासु लोस्त्वत वाली बात हो गयी। मेरे लिए तो सब कुछ बसुधैब कुटुम्बकम । हाँ यहाँ अमेरिका मे जीवन आसान है और लोग भी अच्छे हैं, नौकरी भी मिल जायेगी अगर थोडा मेहनत कर के खोजा तो मगर मुझे मेहनत करने का मन ही नही। कया फायदा यहाँ रहने से अब। ऐसा लगता है जिन्दगी मे अगर अब मेरा थोडा बहुत कुछ है तो वो है मम्मी पापा और मेरी तिन बहने। सच पूछो तो मुम्मी पापा से से जयादा प्यार मैं तुम तीनो बहनो को करता हूँ। कभी बोला नही और ना ही कभी बोलोंगा। प्यार करने वाले कभी बोलते नही बस प्यार करते हैं। तुम लोग सोचती होगी कि मेरा भैया कैसा आदमी है आजतक पिछले २५ साल के इतिहास मे कभी भी कोई गिफ्ट नही दिया। यहाँ तक कि राखी के अवसर पर भी कभी साथ नही रहा। कया करूं लुशी मुझे गिफ्ट सीफ्त मे कोई बिस्वास ही नही है। ये सब मुझे फालतू पैसा का बर्वादी लगता है। तुम ही लोग सोचो ना हम लोग जहाँ से उठे हैं वहाँ पे गिफ्ट नाम कि कोई कोन्सेप्त ही नही है। अपने खेत मे जो काम करता है वो गनुरी जी कभी अपने बे